ANNOUNCING THE ELOPEMENT

You must be wondering, when do you tell people that you're planning to elope? The answer is--you don't--unless you want to be talked out of it. There will be no shortage of self-appointed wedding planners and self-invited guests who will tell you "you can't do that." Share the news with the guests who will be included in your celebration and ask for their discretion.  When curious souls ask you about your wedding plans, just tell then it's a secret and that they'll find out at the appropriate time.

In our case, we invited others to share in our joy by sending announcements (promptly after the wedding) that included a link to our wedding website, where we posted our elopement story with photos of the ceremony and reception for them to view. Nobody appeared offended for not being at the wedding, and we received lots of well wishes from the friends and relatives who sincerely cared about our happiness. That's what marriage is all about.

THE ELOPEMENT GUEST LIST

Now that you've decided to have a private, intimate wedding-who do you invite? The answer, like everything else in your wedding  planning, depends on your personal circumstances. An elopement can be as small as just the bride and groom with witnesses provided by the wedding celebrant, to a small guest list comprised of the couple's closest family and friends. The critical thing to consider is who are the most important and supportive people in your lives and with whom you wish to share your special day. 

The majority of people who will not participate in your ceremony will understand your decision and rejoice for you if you announce your  marriage in a thoughtful, inclusive way.  Do be mindful that, as couples having big weddings, there will always be people who will be bitter for not having been invited. In the case of an elopement, you are armed with the powerful excuse that your event was very small. Remember that you also have the possibility to include those not invited to the ceremony by hosting an afterparty that suits your personal style and finances.

In our case, my husband and I eloped locally. Our wedding consisted of  six guests: the judge, her husband, who acted as volunteer photographer; two close friends whose families always welcomed us into their lives and celebrations; my husband's 18-year-old son and his girlfriend.  We shared a magical evening that included a beautiful ceremony and a romantic candlelight dinner at our favorite inn.  We kept our affair small, because our parents were elderly and lived far away and could not share in the moment.

The morning after the wedding we took our closest friends to brunch to announce our  naughty "indiscretion". After our honeymoon, my parents hosted a 20-guest tapas and sangria reception at a historic property to welcome my husband into the family. We skipped the afterparty because we were overextended with work, personal obligations and the daunting task of building our home.

Our wedding festivities may have been small in number of guests, but filled with love, joy and  support.  That's the beauty of eloping.

WHY ELOPE?

What would possess a couple to opt for eloping, rather than a conventional wedding? I can't remember how we made that decision, but my husband insists that it was my idea. Having taken that road, with no regrets, mind you, I can underscore the top reasons to skip the frou frou and go straight to the real thing:

Simplicity

Very often the true meaning of marriage gets lost in the trappings of wedding planning. The stress on a couple can be overwhelming and harmful to the relationship.  Can you think of a wedding reality show where the parties are completely relaxed and delighting in the wedding planning process? When you've found the love of your life and are ready to begin to live "happily ever after" right now, spending months planning an elaborate wedding that will be over in only a few (very short) hours begins to look less and less appealing. Eloping saves you the time, the headaches and the drama associated with modern wedding planning and allows you to focus on the beauty of your relationship and planning a future together.

Eloping is an investment in your future

Simply put, the money spent on a large wedding can be put to better use towards the dream home, the kids' college fund, the dream honeymoon--you pick! 

Intimate weddings can be more meaningful

Elopements and small weddings allow you share with the people who are most important to you and to truly celebrate your union. When you are surrounded by the people who love you and sincerely care about you, your wedding will be inevitably flawless,  and you will be able to relax and enjoy your day without having to worry about what people will think or say.

 

 

Today's elopement is not about the forbidden love and  secret relationships of old romantic novels.  It is a respectable option for modern couples who are willing to break free from the establishment and make choices that reflect their priorities and personal values. For us, to elope was the answer.

MY ELOPEMENT STORY

If planning a wedding is driving you crazy and the thought of eloping has crossed your mind--read on. If a small, intimate event is more your speed, but you feel pressured by others to have a full blown wedding, follow your heart and join the club.

I know these social pressures well. After my mother threatened never to speak to me again if I eloped (I made the mistake of telling her I thought running away to Quebec and returning a married woman was impossibly romantic), I had to endure a 150-guest wedding where I didn't know half of the guests well enough to wish to share my special day with them. 

Second time around, my fiance and I, overwhelmed by the daunting task of planning an elaborate event while juggling two demanding careers and building our dream home ourselves, opted for an intimate affair.  We ran off to our favorite bed and breakfast and exchanged vows before two of our closest friends as witnesses.  A judge I worked for and loved celebrated our ceremony, which we wrote ourselves to reflect our love and the nature of our relationship. 

As we get ready to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary, we have no regrets for having taken this path. There was no stress, no drama, and the memories of a beautiful ceremony by the warmth of a glowing fire live on.

Getting married is a very personal decision.  How to celebrate your union is something each couple should do based on your unique personal circumstances. Whatever your wedding style, I will share with you tips to keep you sane through your wedding planning and bring serenity and joy to the process.  If you are planning to elope or celebrate an intimate wedding, I will guide you through the challenges with style and ease. Stay tuned!