MOM'S DRESS: THE "IT" GREEN WEDDING ATTIRE

Wearing your mother's wedding gown is the ultimate green wedding statement--with good reason. Not only is is good for the environment, but it also sets the tone for a wedding celebration that honors family.

At Le Chatelet, we were delighted to celebrate Jessica and Richard's elopement, our first vintage wedding. I was pleasantly surprised to hear she would wear the wedding dress her mother, Susan, wore when she married Jessica's father, Jim, in 1969.

Jessica looked radiant donning this refined and tasteful ivory satin and lace dress, which she made fresh and modern wearing beaded thong sandals.

Jessica and Richard's wedding captured the essence of eloping. They shared a romantic ceremony they co-wrote, with beautiful readings, the inescapable tears, and lots of joy. Jim was visibly touched to see his "sunshine" wear his late wife's dress, which Susan had sewn herself. This beautiful union was followed by a casual reception, where the adults relaxed and toddlers got to explore exciting new surroundings in the country.

Not every bride is lucky enough to have a mother's wedding dress that is tasteful--and fits! On future posts, Lorraine Victoria, vintage fashion expert and owner of The Vintage Fitting Room, will tell us how to transform your mother's wedding dress into a custom made confection that honors your mother, and reflects the true you.

www.thevintagefittingroom.com

AVOIDING ELOPEMENT REGRETS

Regret is no place to be... For my husband and I, eloping was hands down the best way to celebrate our marriage, and we encourage other couples to spare themselves the drama and simplify the wedding process.  In comparing notes with other fellow elopers, however, I notice that some look back with nostalgia and regret. The major complaints? The courthouse wedding was uneventful, it is sad to have no photos of the momentous occasion and not having someone special to share it with. Below are the top elopement regrets and my suggestions on how to avoid them, so that your elopement can be as special and memorable as a grand affair.

The Courthouse Wedding

While seemingly glamorous in the movies, the elopement at the elegant historic courthouse performed by a distinguished actor bears no resemblance to its real-life counterpart.  Having witnessed several of those, I can assure you there is nothing glamorous about donning your wedding attire through a skanky courthouse full of onlookers--some of them criminals.  Sitting through other people's boring proceedings while you wait for your turn is plain anticlimactic, and there is nothing special about having a cranky judge read your wedding ceremony with the same passion he enters a divorce judgment into the record.  The classic cup of coffee at the shop around the corner from the courthouse is not exactly festive and, obviously, not what beautiful memories are made of. Ditto for weddings at City Hall!

Not Capturing the Moment for Posterity

A friend who had a small private wedding does not regret taking that step. She only wishes that they had worn more festive clothing and had taken pictures to capture the moment and share it with their children.  Years later and still happily married, these friends look forward to making up for the quick small wedding by having a beautiful anniversary celebration with renewal of their vows.  Unfortunately, the fact remains that their very special moment went by and they won't be able to recreate it, frame it or share it with their loved ones.

Eloping Can Feel Lonely

For some, the thrill of the elopement consists of the illicit secret of running away without telling anyone.  This shared complicity, however, can turn to emptiness after the vows are exchanged, the pronouncement is made and there are only strangers surrounding the happy couple on the happiest day of their lives. 

Fortunately, all of these pitfalls can be easily avoided. Elopements are not all or nothing propositions.  Eloping is all about marrying on your own terms, in a ceremony that expresses your love and defines your relationship, and includes the people dearest to you. The recipe for a memorable elopement calls for only two ingredients: a lot of thought and a little planning, as explained here.

Elope in a Place that is Special to You 

Marrying in a place that has special meaning to you makes all the difference in the world. It can be the place you met, had your first date, vacationed, fell in love or realized that you wanted to spend your lives together.  An elopement can take place in a beautiful park,  your favorite inn or restaurant or your new home where you hope to grow old and raise your family.  In looking to your future together, it can be a place that you have chosen to become your new special place.  The possibilities are endless!

Create a Beautiful Ceremony

While the receptions typically take center stage at wedding celebrations, the ceremony is the real thing. Make it meaningful! Let your heart guide you. Write the ceremony together, write your own vows, pick readings that resonate with you, your relationship and what your marriage will be about.  There are plenty of resources at your disposal online.

The celebrant is another key component to a memorable wedding.  Select an officiant that will support and respect your choices, will help you craft your ceremony and deliver the words you have chosen with dignity, passion and joy.  Depending on what state you live in, an articulate friend or relative could be ordained for the purpose of officiating your ceremony, and making it more personal.

Share the Moment with the People You Love

There is no rule dictating that elopements are totally secret and must be kept from everyone besides the bride and groom. Eloping is about freedom from convention, so including your closest friends and relatives in this momentous occasion is a wonderful option. Including your parents, siblings, children and closest friends will make you feel loved and supported.  Think carefully and decide who are the people you want there.

Create and Preserve a Beautiful Memory

It is your wedding day.  Make it unique, romantic, unforgettable.  Dress up, feel wonderful, and bring your cameras!  You don't need to invest in a wedding photographer if you don't want to.  Ask a friend or relative with a good camera and reasonable skills to take pictures.  Enjoy the moment and make it last.

Your wedding day is one of the most important days in your life.  You only have one chance to get it right.  Happy eloping!

THE ELOPEMENT GUEST LIST

Now that you've decided to have a private, intimate wedding-who do you invite? The answer, like everything else in your wedding  planning, depends on your personal circumstances. An elopement can be as small as just the bride and groom with witnesses provided by the wedding celebrant, to a small guest list comprised of the couple's closest family and friends. The critical thing to consider is who are the most important and supportive people in your lives and with whom you wish to share your special day. 

The majority of people who will not participate in your ceremony will understand your decision and rejoice for you if you announce your  marriage in a thoughtful, inclusive way.  Do be mindful that, as couples having big weddings, there will always be people who will be bitter for not having been invited. In the case of an elopement, you are armed with the powerful excuse that your event was very small. Remember that you also have the possibility to include those not invited to the ceremony by hosting an afterparty that suits your personal style and finances.

In our case, my husband and I eloped locally. Our wedding consisted of  six guests: the judge, her husband, who acted as volunteer photographer; two close friends whose families always welcomed us into their lives and celebrations; my husband's 18-year-old son and his girlfriend.  We shared a magical evening that included a beautiful ceremony and a romantic candlelight dinner at our favorite inn.  We kept our affair small, because our parents were elderly and lived far away and could not share in the moment.

The morning after the wedding we took our closest friends to brunch to announce our  naughty "indiscretion". After our honeymoon, my parents hosted a 20-guest tapas and sangria reception at a historic property to welcome my husband into the family. We skipped the afterparty because we were overextended with work, personal obligations and the daunting task of building our home.

Our wedding festivities may have been small in number of guests, but filled with love, joy and  support.  That's the beauty of eloping.

WHY ELOPE?

What would possess a couple to opt for eloping, rather than a conventional wedding? I can't remember how we made that decision, but my husband insists that it was my idea. Having taken that road, with no regrets, mind you, I can underscore the top reasons to skip the frou frou and go straight to the real thing:

Simplicity

Very often the true meaning of marriage gets lost in the trappings of wedding planning. The stress on a couple can be overwhelming and harmful to the relationship.  Can you think of a wedding reality show where the parties are completely relaxed and delighting in the wedding planning process? When you've found the love of your life and are ready to begin to live "happily ever after" right now, spending months planning an elaborate wedding that will be over in only a few (very short) hours begins to look less and less appealing. Eloping saves you the time, the headaches and the drama associated with modern wedding planning and allows you to focus on the beauty of your relationship and planning a future together.

Eloping is an investment in your future

Simply put, the money spent on a large wedding can be put to better use towards the dream home, the kids' college fund, the dream honeymoon--you pick! 

Intimate weddings can be more meaningful

Elopements and small weddings allow you share with the people who are most important to you and to truly celebrate your union. When you are surrounded by the people who love you and sincerely care about you, your wedding will be inevitably flawless,  and you will be able to relax and enjoy your day without having to worry about what people will think or say.

 

 

Today's elopement is not about the forbidden love and  secret relationships of old romantic novels.  It is a respectable option for modern couples who are willing to break free from the establishment and make choices that reflect their priorities and personal values. For us, to elope was the answer.

MY ELOPEMENT STORY

If planning a wedding is driving you crazy and the thought of eloping has crossed your mind--read on. If a small, intimate event is more your speed, but you feel pressured by others to have a full blown wedding, follow your heart and join the club.

I know these social pressures well. After my mother threatened never to speak to me again if I eloped (I made the mistake of telling her I thought running away to Quebec and returning a married woman was impossibly romantic), I had to endure a 150-guest wedding where I didn't know half of the guests well enough to wish to share my special day with them. 

Second time around, my fiance and I, overwhelmed by the daunting task of planning an elaborate event while juggling two demanding careers and building our dream home ourselves, opted for an intimate affair.  We ran off to our favorite bed and breakfast and exchanged vows before two of our closest friends as witnesses.  A judge I worked for and loved celebrated our ceremony, which we wrote ourselves to reflect our love and the nature of our relationship. 

As we get ready to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary, we have no regrets for having taken this path. There was no stress, no drama, and the memories of a beautiful ceremony by the warmth of a glowing fire live on.

Getting married is a very personal decision.  How to celebrate your union is something each couple should do based on your unique personal circumstances. Whatever your wedding style, I will share with you tips to keep you sane through your wedding planning and bring serenity and joy to the process.  If you are planning to elope or celebrate an intimate wedding, I will guide you through the challenges with style and ease. Stay tuned!