ANNOUNCING THE ELOPEMENT

You must be wondering, when do you tell people that you're planning to elope? The answer is--you don't--unless you want to be talked out of it. There will be no shortage of self-appointed wedding planners and self-invited guests who will tell you "you can't do that." Share the news with the guests who will be included in your celebration and ask for their discretion.  When curious souls ask you about your wedding plans, just tell then it's a secret and that they'll find out at the appropriate time.

In our case, we invited others to share in our joy by sending announcements (promptly after the wedding) that included a link to our wedding website, where we posted our elopement story with photos of the ceremony and reception for them to view. Nobody appeared offended for not being at the wedding, and we received lots of well wishes from the friends and relatives who sincerely cared about our happiness. That's what marriage is all about.

THE ELOPEMENT GUEST LIST

Now that you've decided to have a private, intimate wedding-who do you invite? The answer, like everything else in your wedding  planning, depends on your personal circumstances. An elopement can be as small as just the bride and groom with witnesses provided by the wedding celebrant, to a small guest list comprised of the couple's closest family and friends. The critical thing to consider is who are the most important and supportive people in your lives and with whom you wish to share your special day. 

The majority of people who will not participate in your ceremony will understand your decision and rejoice for you if you announce your  marriage in a thoughtful, inclusive way.  Do be mindful that, as couples having big weddings, there will always be people who will be bitter for not having been invited. In the case of an elopement, you are armed with the powerful excuse that your event was very small. Remember that you also have the possibility to include those not invited to the ceremony by hosting an afterparty that suits your personal style and finances.

In our case, my husband and I eloped locally. Our wedding consisted of  six guests: the judge, her husband, who acted as volunteer photographer; two close friends whose families always welcomed us into their lives and celebrations; my husband's 18-year-old son and his girlfriend.  We shared a magical evening that included a beautiful ceremony and a romantic candlelight dinner at our favorite inn.  We kept our affair small, because our parents were elderly and lived far away and could not share in the moment.

The morning after the wedding we took our closest friends to brunch to announce our  naughty "indiscretion". After our honeymoon, my parents hosted a 20-guest tapas and sangria reception at a historic property to welcome my husband into the family. We skipped the afterparty because we were overextended with work, personal obligations and the daunting task of building our home.

Our wedding festivities may have been small in number of guests, but filled with love, joy and  support.  That's the beauty of eloping.